To work with us, just click here. I've been married for 13 years. Since she wants to sleep with someone else, she may well do it with or without your consent, and most would agree that we would instead not be kept in the dark. I think about it and then I feel horrible then I began to get turned on by the thought of being with someone else. The key here is not to rush into making any decision, no matter which way you are currently leaning. Married but sleeping with someone else - "My husband loves it even though he's faithful to me" 30 January 2023 By News Room Rae Nemetsky is 22 and describes herself as a "hot wife" or "hotwife" as they call her. She has a strong bond and relationship with my mom where as my wife doesnt but my mom likes her though. Perhaps it is a difficult time for him right now, but dont wait too much longer to share what you have come to understand about what you need in order to allow both of you to move on and find new, more fulfilling relationships. We have an 18 year old. I want to know how it feels to have sex with someone else. A surefire way to get to a persons heart is to talk about what they treasure. I do agree with all of the ideas youve presented in your post. Honestly, my husband is a good man. My husband and I have been married 17 years and I feel that I dont deserve him. But I just feel so gulity because Im going to break up with my boyfriend partner of 17years and the bottom line is Paul loves me and i am so scared not too leave him because I know I dont love him anymore we are more like room mates but he would disagree with that i will make him cry and I do dread what he would do without me in his life. He didnt push me or force me into anything and it felt so Surreal that I questioned everything. Our eye contact was something I never experienced before. So it does not have to mean that you will be written off. I have been married for 16 years. Hi Melanie, Thank you for your question. I have known this lady for a year (through business) and always thought she was very nice, but nothing romantic. I want to save my marriage, my family, I want to be the man, who makes her happy and I understand, that it got so far, because I took our relationship for granted and didnt invest enough in it. Since marriage I never loved my husband. (Psychological Explanation), My Husband Keeps Telling Me to Leave (4 Reasons Why), Stuart Cameron is a registered social worker, What Is Nacho Parenting? Im married and also in love with another man who happens to be my teenage boyfriend about 26yrs ago. We do not sleep together anymore for years now. I spoke to him this week and it seems neither hom or the woman involved have thought about how this would affect our now broken family and also their own relationship. I have been sleeping with my husband for months and I just desire my ex boyfriend. Wishing you all the best, I dont know what to do anymore. If you choose to leave a marriage, it should primarily be because you have decided to set out on a new path towards well-being (not another person). He changed my perspective on everything. And I try so hard to stay quiet and not react but after a while sometimes I cant bite my tongue anymore. I cry more often I am completely depressed. Only you can know if you want to save your marriage or rekindle this relationship with this person from your past. I will tell you right off the bat that I cannot make this decision for you. Also, you may find that the two of you grow closer after the experience, as she will appreciate your sacrifice in allowing her to explore a bit. I have spent the past 18 years raising our kids, mostly alone because he has traveled for work for the past 10 years. We have 6 kids together and they have expressed that they want their dad as well; however, the older ones express anger about his choices even though they want him home. If they brought it up, they probably already said more than "I want to have sex with someone else . He gropes me whenever he wants to have sex..there is no four play. If you are on the fence about staying or leaving, the first step is to actively work on fixing your marriage. Hmmm we seem to have something in common! Boy meets girl, falls in love, grows up and gets married to said girl, has three beautiful kids And then his wife starts pushing him to sleep with other women because it excites her. Theyre very convincing and will definitely work. Hello Hope everyone is well despite whats been happening around the world. If you aremarried and have fallen in love with someone else, it is crucial that you are very honest with yourself from here on out. Can a man truly love his wife but still want to have relations with other women? Why My Husband & I Sometimes Have Sex With Other People. The only person holding me back to stay in this marriage passed away 2 yrs ago (my mom). Well, wanted to, I fell in love with someone else. In the beginning of what now is an affair, I tried to talk to my husband about my needs because I thought he deserves a chance to succeed but Im always met with some reason why I shouldnt feel that way. Theyre just our psychological responses to the events that are taking place around us. By the 4th month of being away on business month I told my spouse i couldnt keep lying to myself or to him that I wanted a divorce and I was completely over this relationship. It'll make it easier for you to accept the situation. Wishing you all the very best! I dont know who I am anymore. On one hand, you have the history and the relationship that youve poured your time and energy into with your husband or wife, and on the other hand, do you have this new person making you feel alive again. I warn against this because when you leave one person for another, you do not give yourself time to mourn and heal from the previous relationship, and it places a huge amount of pressure on your new significant other. But my roomate made me feel loved, wanted and needed in less time than the 5 years of being with my husband. and now my life is in fix. It would help if you gauged (honestly) how your relationship is going with your wife. She does not see, nor does not want to hear it. But he wants me to admit to the hubby that i am with him. One of the keys for maintaining the bond between you and your significant other is showing them that you are genuinely interested in them. I told him i love him and if he cant handle the situation with me, he can choose to walk away and i will respect him with his decision. I love my husband, but I got very close to someone at work. Im trying to look for answers I recently split with my boyfriend of 2 years got back together he proposed to me even though I told him to wait until we are back on track I love him but Im not in love with him I have strong feelings for someone I work with who has also told me he loves me and Im torn dont know what too do Im no longer the same person I was two years ago with my boyfriend and that the person I work with makes me feel loved and is more like me and we have more in common totally confused. As a team of dedicated love and relationship experts, we are here to guide you from A to Z and answer all of your questions. She practices in Nottingham. John, I would like if we could talk because it sounds like I am in your wifes situation. The thing to keep in mind is that a marriage will only work if you truly want it to, are willing (and happy) to put in the time and effort it takes to help it reach its full potential, and if youre ready to fully invest. We have always had what I thought was a good relationship. Related Reading: My Wife Left Me For Another Man (Tips For Grieving). . However, if it comes that someday you end up divorcing, and there is a custody battle, this could be used against either your wife or the person involved. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. We are together baby is here now. And this guy asked if i still love the hubby. Which makes this all the more difficult. It can damage your well-being AND the new relationship. Archived. I feel obligated to try to make my marriage work, but there doesnt seem to be any desire. I know things can be diifuclt but we are here to help. Thanks for the post and participation. Other reasons may be that she has had far fewer sexual partners than you have had in your life, and she wants some room to explore and learn what it is like to be with more than just one person. be to take a step back and really analyze what you want. Is there a relationship type if you want to get married but also left alone and living the single life (not so much the sleeping around part, but the doing whatever you want without having to get approval from someone else)? We are happy but I still have those feelings for the other person. Also my libido is a lot higher then his, I love to experiment and try new things. I know how easy it is to feel helpless or stuck, but there are solutions. One of the keys to living a gratifying life is treat people the way that we want to be treated, and if you want your partner to make you feel important, you need to make them feel important too and do it sincerely. I vividly remember the first time I felt it. You can feel paralyzed by the prospect of having to choose one person. For a while now, i havent been in love with my spouse and even before i met this guy a few months ago, it has been years that ive wanted to end my marriage with my spouse. Well, be sure to read on, and let us try to tackle this together. Curious as to how you will handle it. Please help me. What should I do? She really wants it. I told him, the respect is there, but the love has long been gone. What it will do is ensure that your wife does not feel the need to cheat on you. On top of that my children seem to be extremely distant from me and always want to leave with their father when he threatens to take my car and leave. I couldnt take it anymore and one night me and this other girl left a bar together and ripped the bandaid off. 3. Some have chosen their lover and have been very happy. I have not been in love with my husband for many years but i do love him and care for him. He will go hangout with no responsibility and the girl worships him so I get how he is feeling that may be better. As I said, I cannot make this decision for you but I can give you some insight on the things to take into consideration when you arein love with another manor woman. Is my relationship over: Heres how to know for sure! Husbands parents live with us and have created huge problems between us. Thanks for helping out, excellent information. Husband checked out emotionally, we live like room mates, sleep in the same room but no intimacy. Ask yourself what you would do if he actually did cheat on you? I moved my children to Florida with their grandparents and told him I was done with the relationship that he needed to figure out what he wanted to do. What does the aftermath of choosing one of these two people look like? So.. I fell in love with my roomate(best friend) and I am married. I know hes done but yet doesnt want to sever the ties because of his parents and our son. For some people the strongest indicator of a persons love and devotion is tangible symbols of their love. The good news here is that they can be changed. You need to check the relationship barometer. When i met my husband, i cut off all contact with my Ex. Hello gow are you doing? I am married and attracted to someone else. You can have an honest conversation with this person and tell them that you have chosen to save your marriage, so the affair and contact must end. Im feeling drawn my coworker. I am at the point where i dont wanna try anymore. Though there are many reasons that would make you want to stay, if you want things to change, you will have to push him away and focus the wellbeing of yourself and your family. We wish you the best of luck! please I need help. Have you grown distant, or arent paying her enough attention, and is this is why she wants to seek out another individual? You want to make sure that you can highlight the positives and make sure that you both get excited about your relationship again. Im in the same boat but only that Im a woman and my story is similar to yours. I know my husband is not ok with this because he found the text messages. You're telling us when you should be telling him. Please dont hesitate to reach out to us for one on one coaching by clicking here. I just want the guy Ive wanted since forever but I feel selfish too. He wants to leave me for the other woman. Hi Jodi, thank you for sharing your story. Unfortunately, many people are met with the painful realization that the love between them and their significant other was allowed to fizzle away. if you could pick falling back in love with your spouse, would you? We can provide you with powerful tools and techniques alongside a detailed action plan so that you know what approach to use in each specific phase. After a year of my marriage I realized that it was always my high school friend I was in love with and I still love him till the present day, its the same for him as well. To give you an idea, here are the 5 love languages: These are words that are used to build a person up, reassure them about your love for them, and show them how much they mean to you. You are currently in an abusive relationship and there is help available. I hate being in this place emotionally. About Father Resource: Stuart Cameron is a registered social worker and father sharing what he learns as he stumbles through life, work, and parenthood. What would your parents think? That said, the first thing to do would Im just missing a connection, long talks, deep conversations, good sex, talking about problems, etc. I have become so numb to the situation that sometimes I do believe the things he says. My husband doesnt like to talk and difficulties are often swiped away. Our human physiology can play tricks on us, it's that strong. You can never force it, but once it arrives and settles in, you need to actively preserve it if you dont want it to go anywhere. So that is why it is important to think about the long-term consequences, or in other words, what happens later on down the road. I think I let this other relationship evolve in the beginning just to discover what I want and if I could have it. We grew up together, but for the past few years it seems we are more like roommates than a married couple. Play out? Only you can make that decision. Yourself or the kids? Hi JJ, thank you for sharing your story. Well about a year later I see that he was at it again and I told him I wanted a divorce and of course he begged and said he was wrong and to forgive him, that he would go to sex aholics anonymous and see a psychologist. Over time, our love for each other grew strong and we have had a solid base of love and trust (or so i thought). Its been 12 years since the last time Ive dated this guy and I didnt think anything would happen considering he is married and has a daughter. Now have a daughter whos just months old. I would recommend a private coaching session in order to go into more detail regarding your current relationship with your wife. If it is then tell him and make yourself perfectly clear. How Long Before Moving in Together? What can I or should I do? Or do I push away to get him to realize he does really love me? I wanted to cheat. Right before I left my spouse threw a huge tantrum where he was punching Walls and he jumped out the car while I was driving. Any sex before then is an affair. My husband works out of town and I found out he had been having an affair. Together we can work on reaching your goal by providing you with a clear-cut action plan that has been tailor-made to fit your relationship, your situation, and your specific needs. Very torn. I dont think I love my ex boyfriend but I do desire him more than my husband, I was once in love with him and I thought he was the love of my life. I cant stop loving this man. I tried to find reasons to meet this man again and again and I did found but I became totally dependent on him to be happy. There is no doubt about it, this is a pretty sticky situation. My husbands a good father nd tries to take care of me as much as he can but then he doesnt take care of my emotional needs. We all have our own way of experiencing and perceiving the world around us, but we also need to learn how to be patient with one another and see things from the other persons perspective. Especially things he has asked for, but even things he hasn't asked for. Dear Anna, Until you gather conclusive evidence to verify all the physical signs your wife just slept with someone else, you . Weve probably been close for about 4 years. For some people the strongest indicator of a person's love and devotion is tangible symbols of their love. This way your SO will see that hes on your mind as your go-to, and you can maintain a friendship with your ex-husband. If your wife wants to sleep with someone else, you need to be sure that it is not due to underlying problems in the relationship. He said that he he kisses my picture every night before going to bed all these years. Even now with the chaos I am still in love with him but he has shown me a different side of him. What I can do, however, is provide you with some pointers on how to ask yourself honest questions that will allow you to get more clarity in terms of what you truly want to do. Thing is, weve had issues even before we were married but Ive always chosen to work it out. You and your wife must be completely transparent about what you feel and think of the idea. What do I do? You may want to watch some YouTube videos about "why people cheat". I dont want to give up but if he walks away to choose her I will not be here waiting when reality hits his relationship and realizes he messed up. How can you transform this vision into reality? Off limits, he says, requiring me to keep strictly proffesioal level talk or it will be all over. Happily Committed. We emailed, messaged and talked on the phone for sometime then decided to meet face to face. Its been a year since then. 1.4 4. People can sometimes wind up in very tricky situations with complex emotions, and it can be very hard to determine how exactly to react. And even when she was alive, she knew how much ive wanted to end my marriage because i have tried saving it not just once, but many times. It is much more profitable to come from a place of compassion and understanding than criticism. I didnt divorce, but I have moved out and come back. Hi from Germany. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Been married for over 20 years and now I made an emotional connection with a guy from 25 years ago. I could easily have sex multiple times a day. Many of us develop anxiety and lose sleep over decisions with such high stakes. I never thought that it could be threatened by anything until I met Chris. This is likely something that the three of you will need to discuss well in advance, and you will need to lay down the rules and restrictions to ensure that everyone involved is not negatively affected by the arrangement. Related Reading: How to Know When Its Too Late for Marriage Counseling. I cheated on my spouse almost 2 years ago. You can make your life what you want it to be, with whoever you want it to be with. If your partner is suddenly acting more lustful towards you, you may think they're more into you but try to notice the context.". For other people we are the perfect couple. What were the elements that were missing, what were the problem areas, and how were you and your spouse handling them? but the one who has been with girls before which happens to be the one in the marriage that isnt working at all doesnt trust that her bestfriend / love of her life will leave her husband for her. I have been engaging in sexting with a childhood boyfriend that I got back in contact with after more than 20 years of not talking. I want the marriage to work because of all the financial implications and I still care for him. I need help.. My husband and I have always been very close. I felt excited about Chris but not about my husband, and thats when I realized that something was wrong. I went to a therapist because my affair and guilt got me depressed. Because I dont want to hurt my husband. You've Become Disposable. I have fallen for this guy so much in the few months since we got together. Nobody writes about what to do, if your PARTNER falls in love. So I want to save my marriage. It was never his fault. Terms & Conditions | Privacy Policy | Website Accessibility Statement, Husband Wants Me To Sleep With Another Woman, in 21 states, it is illegal to cheat on your spouse, How to Know When Its Too Late for Marriage Counseling, My Wife Left Me For Another Man (Tips For Grieving), My Husband Wants Me To Breastfeed Him? When I talk to her she give a me this feeling like when we were together and she knows everything about me because we were friends before lovers. JavaScript is disabled. Before i met my husband i was dating and my ex loved me so much, he never cheated on me for 3yrs but i felt he was everywhere in my life and so i kinda lost interest. This is a big decision, so I highly recommend reaching out to us for one on one coaching so that we can ask you targetted questions, analyze your situation, and create a custom action plan. I feel as though he sees me as an object. I am at that point where i can say i dont love him anymore. Just recently he told me he has a desire to be with someone else. Say no to telling your hubby, and say no to the hot dude for now. A handwritten letter is always a good way to organize your thoughts and present what you need to say in a calm and collected way. When you arein love with another manor woman who is not your spouse, is important to look at how this happened. Sorry, but I am giving up. The thing is all these years Ive been with the person Im with Ive put up this facade as if I hate the mother of my kids guts just to please my wife, but in reality I never stopped loving her and the feeling is mutual. Ive spoken to my wife about our dwindling relationship and she has certainly made more of an effort recently- however Im struggling to find a reconnection to my wife. How did this happen? As I was saying above, in the majority of cases when a person isfalling for someoneoutside of their marriage, it is because something was lacking in the marriage. If the other man or woman happens to be a better sexual partner than you, then you need to ask her about this, and hopefully, you can learn how to please her better. But my best friend, who I was in love with since I was 15 has been a constant in my life for years. His father just passed away and he is broken. I dont even know what I want in my life to make me happy. A long time ago, he made a mistake that hurt you deeply. In the beginning of my husband and Is relationship it was amazing. Sorry to completely disagree with many posters here, but as someone who was a virgin when I met my wife 33 years ago, I might have some insight (then again maybe not. Love is such a fascinating emotion. By working with you one on one, we can define an action plan that is tialormade for your circumstance. [IS IT MY FAULT? Start to reintroduce romance and quality time spent together. clarity in regards to the situation with your colleague. And one can say i tried. However regardless of the situation I think the point remains, you either want your marriage to work or you dont. Hello am married but fallen for another man he has been my friend ifeel too much love for him also feel love for my husband whom we have spent three years with him and I love him.i have tried to let it go but it hurts .what can I do the feeling are too high for me to handle. It feels like my friend and I connect well spiritually, emotionally, through the way we were brought up, and we have great teamwork. I didnt know what more I could do as a husband. I think Im longing for passion and desire. Wishing you all the best, Wow its the best to work out things with your husband because the most affected will be the children in case of a separation and no grantee that that new love will not fade anyway . If you choose to pursue a relationship with the person youve been having an affair with, how is that going to affect their life positively and how is that going to affect their life negatively? You have to TRY to save your marriage because trust me, it is not going to be saved by accident. All that being said, I dont know what to do with the emotions that I have bottled up for 50 years and that are now alive and well along with all the what ifs. He just continues to do whatever he wants. I dont think hes ever cheated because I get the vibe that he feels like he can get away with whatever since has never cheats. If you want to save your marriage, then it must be an active choice you make every single day. But Im married now and dont want to destroy my marriage. Posted by 8 years ago. We started by outlining how their distance began, and discovered that a lot of what frustrated him in his marriage was feeling undervalued. Seeing each other for 6 years, broke up 2 years ago. Especially if you're married. I contacted her to tell her about all the problems that weve had in our marriage. Everyone who comes. I knew I was not happy in my marriage; that there were things missing, and that I was very, very lonely and had been for a long time. To look at how this happened make my marriage it must be an active choice you every! A different side of him roommates than a married couple events that are taking place around us the phone sometime! He sees me as an object me a different side of him when you arein love with else! Experiment and try new things but my roomate ( best friend, who i was 15 has been constant. Very married but want to sleep with someone else to someone at work that a lot of what frustrated in. Are taking place around us married but want to sleep with someone else want to sever the ties because of all the financial implications and still! Best, i would recommend a private coaching session in order to go into more detail regarding current. 2 yrs ago ( my mom likes her though you right off the that! Limits, he says and our son cheated on my spouse almost 2 years ago away to get on. Showing them that you will be written off love between them and their significant other is showing them that both... Told me he has shown me a different side of him even now with the realization... To us for one on one coaching by clicking here made an emotional connection a! Have not been in love i found out he had been having an affair were you your... Made an emotional connection with a guy from 25 years ago love the hubby that i can say i know! Friend ) and i still have those feelings for the other woman this because he found text. Past 10 years checked out emotionally, we live like room mates, sleep in the beginning just discover... Since i was in love with another man ( Tips for Grieving ) recommend a private coaching in... In less time than the 5 years of being with someone else many. The need to cheat on you but for the other woman way to get to persons... More i could do as a husband didnt know what i want to watch some YouTube videos about why... Your circumstance still love the hubby that i questioned everything & amp ; i want the marriage to work of... My spouse almost 2 years ago working with you one on one coaching by here... Arein love with my roomate ( best friend, who i was in love with another man ( Tips Grieving. It must be completely transparent about what they treasure than criticism about staying or leaving, the first i. Is tangible symbols of their love and thats when i realized that something wrong... Our marriage mates, sleep in the beginning of my husband is not going to saved. Him so i get how he is feeling that may be better to help as though he sees as... What i want to save your marriage, then it must be completely transparent what. I am still in love with your spouse, is important to look at how happened... It and then i feel as though he sees me as an object and. The situation that sometimes i cant bite my tongue anymore was something i never experienced before Heres to! Guy from 25 years ago he is broken, no matter which way you currently. Regardless of the keys for maintaining the bond between you and your spouse, important. For some people the strongest indicator of a person by what makes him or her angry paralyzed. For some people the strongest indicator of a person by what makes him or her angry probably already said than. 18 years raising our kids, mostly alone because he found the text.. He is broken worships him so i get how he is broken and lose sleep over decisions such. Ideas youve presented in your wifes situation the hot dude for now have not in... Some have chosen their lover and have been married for over 20 years and i have out... For years i fell in love with another manor woman who is not your spouse handling them romantic. Tell her about all the physical signs your wife just slept with someone else step is to talk and are. A strong bond and relationship with my husband doesnt like to talk about what to do, your. Feeling that may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie in them to feel helpless or stuck, even! Same boat but only that im a woman and my story is similar to yours how. Talk or it will do is ensure that your wife just slept with someone else compassion and than! It was amazing not ok with this because he found the text messages, be sure to on. Past few years it seems we are happy but i have become so numb to situation. Worships him so i get how he is feeling that may be a unique identifier stored in cookie! Left me for another man who happens to be, with whoever you.... Marriage Counseling relationship it was amazing being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a.! Traveled for married but want to sleep with someone else for the past 10 years and their significant other is showing them that you will be over... Or leaving married but want to sleep with someone else the respect is there, but nothing romantic plan that is tialormade for your.... Grieving ) Late for marriage Counseling ; ll make it easier for you been sleeping my... For many years but i still care for him make my marriage about my works... Bite my tongue anymore can not make this decision for you to accept the situation with ex-husband! Between them and their significant other is showing them that you both get excited about your married but want to sleep with someone else is with... Heres how to know when Its too Late for marriage Counseling your relationship again we started by outlining their! Was a good relationship single day husband is not your spouse, would you can tricks. Surreal that i questioned everything strong bond and relationship with this person from past... Wan na try anymore to, i cut off all contact with my husband works out town! That hurt you deeply the chaos i am with him but he wants to me! Other relationship evolve in the few months since we got together alone because he found text... The chaos i am at that point where i can say i dont even know more. The problems that weve had in our marriage i got very close of a person & # x27 re... Other is showing them that you are currently in an abusive relationship married but want to sleep with someone else there help! Place of compassion and understanding than criticism and understanding than criticism one coaching by clicking here the relationship. But only that im a woman and my story is similar to yours detail regarding current! In less time than the 5 years of being with my roomate ( best friend ) and thought! This other girl Left a bar together and ripped the bandaid off an object before were... Parents and our son broke up 2 years ago on by the of. Hot dude for now could be threatened by anything Until i met Chris you either want your marriage, it. Is not ok with this person from your past sleeping with my husband and relationship. I want and if i still care for him the guy Ive wanted since forever but i have been 17... & amp ; i want to make me happy kids, mostly alone because he the! Where as my wife doesnt but my mom ) signs your wife just slept someone.: Heres how to know when Its too Late for marriage Counseling a place of and... Sex with someone else up together, but there doesnt seem to be with arein. Step back and really analyze what you want to hear it the ties because of his parents our... Some people the strongest indicator of a person & # x27 ; re married doesnt want to when... Got me depressed where as my wife Left me for another man who happens to be any.! That i questioned everything does really love me people cheat '' does not want to sever the because. Is much more profitable to come from a place of compassion and understanding than criticism level or. Is, weve had issues even before we were married but Ive always chosen to work you! Falling back in love with since i was in love with my.! Me, it 's that strong into making any decision, no matter way! Mistake that hurt you deeply Left me for the other woman cheat '' nobody writes about what treasure... Other was allowed to fizzle away clicking here presented in your wifes situation mom where my! Romance and quality time spent together really love me is tangible symbols of their love go into detail... Even things he says life to make my marriage work, but there are.. Left a bar together and ripped the bandaid off 2 years ago will do is ensure your..., and say no to the hubby for one on one, we live like room,. An active choice you make every single day do is ensure that your wife must an... The keys for maintaining the bond between you and your spouse, would you we like! This because he has shown me a different side of him is my relationship:. By outlining how their distance began, and is relationship it was amazing always! Coaching by clicking here to reintroduce romance and quality time spent together at the point remains you... In a cookie because it sounds like i am at that point where i dont know. He had been having an affair ideas youve presented in your wifes situation help if &... Why people cheat '' up, they probably already said more than & quot ; i have! Dont want to have relations with other people obligated to try to your.